Just a quick shameless plug for my new podcast, Let's Scare Mindy. You can find this on iTunes or by listen at http://letsscaremindy.podbean.com.

Or you could just listen here. :D

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I realize that I haven't had a funny post in well...decades, it seems. I'm still going to do the 50 Book Challenge, but I'm not going to bore you all with the details. I had lost sight of why I do this blog, and now I'm going to correct that. So here is a funny story.


Over the past two years, I have become a bit lethargic. Working on my master's while working a full-time and part-time job had taken a toll on my energy levels, and instead of keeping up my visits to the gym, I had to do things like help run an office, oversee a residence hall, write tons of school notes and quite a few articles, write research papers and learn about colleges and the students who attend them. But lethargy comes with a price. In my case, it was 20 pounds.

This spring, I took a break from classes, and I realized that I would have to start a routine to help get myself back into shape. So, I started with baby steps, walking during lunch on weekdays. Last month, I signed up for Corporate Challenge, thinking it would move me up to the next stage of things. And as I won a third-place medal in volleyball and came in seventh in softball, I realized my plan worked. After we played our last softball game, I got in the car, drove straight to the YMCA and joined it.

Signing up for the YMCA means that I'll most likely have to face my most feared exercise equipment: the treadmill.

Go ahead, get your laughter out now (of course, you'll laugh more here in a minute).

My fear of treadmills goes back even before that awesome "Here It Goes Again" video by OK, Go - you know the one I mean, where they dance on the treadmills. It goes back to that magic year: 1999.

*cue flashback music*

My suitemate Gina and I decided it was time to head off to the gym after color guard practice one night. We loaded up our Discmen with CDs and set off across campus. My CD of choice was Backstreet's Back by, of course, the Backstreet Boys.

At the gym, I immediately climbed on the treadmill and started jogging. Once I got my pace going, I turned on my CD player. The first song, "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)," was the perfect song for the pace I was running. But the problem with that song is that it is just too catchy.

Seriously, to this day, I cannot hear that song without breaking out into the dance featured in the video.  That, of course, was my downfall.

About three and a half minutes into the song, it breaks down, and in the video, that's where they pull out their big group dance number. As I ran on the treadmill and it got to that part of the song, I couldn't help it. I had to dance.

I was just getting into the groove of things when everything went wrong...terribly wrong...terribly, horribly wrong.

I had only been doing the hand movements, because I realized that it was impossible to do the footwork while running. But the one time I took my mind off of it, my feet went off on their own. My right foot stepped off the tread and onto the side. My left, still on the tread, just went backward.

I'm sure you know how this will end, but I'm going to tell you anyway, because it features a surprise guest.

My foot shot off the back of the treadmill, quickly followed by the rest of me. I wound up on the floor, across the room, doing the splits.

Gina triple-taked. I was right next to her, then suddenly was gone. When she spied me, she burst out laughing. Unfortunately, she wasn't the only one.

The entire football team (yes, you really read that right) was laughing as well. They had been in the gym working out and got to watch my entire show.

Awesome.

If that were to happen to me today, I would be in massive pain due to being pretty out of shape. But fortunately, back then I was way more flexible. I didn't hurt myself, just my pride.

And that, kids, is why you don't play around on treadmills.

To help you get an idea of what exactly I was doing on that treadmill, I have embedded a copy of that video. About 3:40 or so on the video, it breaks down and the dance begin. Watch...and laugh.

And laugh some more.

#20 - Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury (1950, 179 pages)

The future is a terrifying place where firefighters no longer put out fires but create them as a way to eradicate books from the world in Ray Bradbury's 1950 classic Fahrenheit 451.

Guy Montag is a fireman who has been doing his job unquestioning for 10 years. But one day, after an encounter with a provocative young woman, he finds himself wondering why thing are the way they are. Further compounding his questioning is an encounter with a professor who tells Montag just how much society has fallen since books were outlawed.

Though written nearly 60 years ago, Bradbury's book offers a frightening glance of how our future could become, especially as technology advances and less and less importance is placed on the written word. I am surprised that, as an English major, I had never been presented with an opportunity to read this. I sought it out on my own, and I am so grateful to have read this book. I give it a serious five out of five uncensored books.

#21 - Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri (1999, 198 pages)

In her debut book Interpreter of Maladies, Jhumpa Lahiri presents readers with a collection of stories about Indians dealing with a variety of incidents from adjusting to American culture to finding love.

Each story tells of normal things that occur in people's lives, but Lahiri has such a way with the English language that these mundane things are transformed into very powerful and memorable events. She takes something as simple as a car accident or a power outage and changes it into something so much more.

Another thing I appreciate is that all of the stories are great. It's not like some other short story collections I've read where there are some obvious filler stories that don't have the same impact as the other stories. Each of these stories captured my interest and made me care about the characters held within. I've been trying to think of which one is my favorite, but I cannot think of just one. I can't even think of two or three or five. They are all great.

Total Books Read: 21 / 50 (42 percent)
Total Pages Read: 6,185 / 15,000 (41 percent)

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? Have you ever kissed someone? Missed someone? Told someone you loved them? Drunk alcohol? (Seriously?) Here you have 40 questions for the people who are a little older...

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Car payment. It's too much money!

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Hmmm...I can't think of the name of it, but it's an Indian restaurant in North Kansas City. Was amazing food.

3. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Sleeping.

4. How many colleges did you attend?
Two - one for undergrad, and one for the master's.

5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Because I wanted to sleep in a tank top.

6. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Well, thankfully, they're no longer $4 a gallon.

7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I can live without my allergy medication another day. I'm sleeping in.

8. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Please, dear Zombie Jesus, please don't let me have a stressful day. (By the way Zombie Jesus, you let me down.)

9. Do you miss being a child?
Yes. I miss not having responsibilities and being able to do things like read all the time.

10. What errand/chore do you despise?
Dishes and cleaning the litter box.

11. Get up early or sleep in?
Who the heck wants to get up early? That's like saying I want to have this burning hot poker shoved in my eye.

12. Have you found real love yet?
Not yet.

13. Favorite lunch meat?
Salami.

14. What do you get every time you go into Target?
I stop at the Starbucks for an iced apple chai infusion.

15. Beach or lake?
Right now, I think I'd go for a lake, in the middle of a quiet, peaceful, lovely forest.

16. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Only in the the belief that it should only occur between a man and a woman. It's call equal rights, y'all.

17. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Neither.

18. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Christopher Moore.

19. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Yes, once was my fault; the rest were someone else's fault.

20. Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Only once in RA training.

21. Ring tone?
"Val Kilmer" by Bowling for Soup.

22. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Kitchen?

23. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
That would be all of California.

24. Do you go to church?
Only when I visit my sister and her family. I don't believe in organized religion.

25. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Relationship. I love my career.

26. How old are you?
29.

27. Do you have a go-to person?
I do.

28. Are you where you want to be in life?
Not quite. I'm still in Missouri.

29. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?
Transformers, Muppet Babies, GI Joe, She-Ra, He-Man.

30. What about you do you think has changed the most?
My ability to stand up for myself no matter who the person is I'm standing up to.

31. Looking back at high school, were they the best years of your life?
Not even close.

32. Are there times you still feel like a kid?
Yup, since age is but a number.

33. Did you ever own troll dolls?
NO! Those were the ugliest things ever!

34. Did you have a pager?
Yup. It was purple.

35. Where was the hang out spot when you were a teenager?
I wasn't cool enough to hang out at Party Bridge (yes, there was a bridge where people partied when I was in high school), so at my friends' houses.

36. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
I would hope so, though they would probably think I'm too big a geek.

37. Who do you think impacted your life the most?
My father. He was an awful man, but in being so helped me turn into a much better person than I would have been had I not decided to break the cycle of drug addiction and abuse.

38. Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out for you?
Many. My absolute favorite of all time, though is my first-grade teacher Mrs. Hiles.

39. Do you tell stories that start with “when I was your age”?
No, and I hope I never do.

40. Is it better to love and lose it or never to love at all?
Yes, but only so you learn what true love is.

Coraline by Neil Gaiman (2002, 162 pages)

Coraline's new home seems boring until she stumbles across a door that hides a brick wall. Tired of exploring the neighborhood where there's not much more than the two former actresses next door and the crazy man upstairs who says he's teaching mice to play in a band, Coraline finds her interest drawn to that door and what lies beyond it.

One day, as her parents leave the house, Coraline decides to look at the door one more time. This time, she finds a dark passage that leads to a world nearly the same as her own...except the food tastes better, animals can speak, and her parents have buttons for eyes.

Coraline soon finds herself fighting against her other mother is set upon having Coraline as her own daughter. Will she be able to stop the other mother?

As a big Gaiman fan, I really enjoyed this book. It is a children's book; however, so the writing is a bit more simplistic than some of his other works. But that does not keep this book from being an enjoyable adventure. That is why I give this four out of five button eyes.

Total Books Read: 19 / 50 (38 percent)
Total Pages Read: 5,808 / 15,000 (39 percent)

Don of the Dead by Casey Daniels (2006, 325 pages)

Earlier this year, I reviewed the fourth book in Casey Daniels' Pepper Martin series. I enjoyed the book so much that I decided to start at the beginning of the series, the 2006 novel Don of the Dead.

Cemetery tour guide Pepper Martin hit her head. After recovering she thought she was doing fine until she came across the ghost of long-dead mafia Don Gus Scarpetti. Realizing that Pepper can see him, he enlists her help in trying to figure out who murdered him 30 years earlier.

Pepper is led on what seems like a wild goose chase. Along the way, she meets sexy neurologist Dan, who wants to study the effects of Pepper's injury. Competing for Dan's attention is the handsome Quinn, a police detective who is trying to convince Pepper to leave Scarpetti's case along. But of course, where would this story be had Pepper listened?

I'm normally not a big fan of romantic series, which is why I appreciate Daniels' writing. The romance aspect is greatly overshadowed by the mystery and the paranormal aspects of the story. That is why I give this book a fun-loving four out of five ghost hunts.

Total Books Read: 18 / 50 (36 percent)
Total Pages Read: 5,646 / 15,000 (38 percent)

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austin and Seth Grahame-Smith (2009, 319 pages)

About a month and a half ago, I mused on Twitter, wouldn't it be awesome if someone thought up a zombie story set in like the 18th Century? Almost immediately I received a reply from author Jen Lancaster telling me I should check out Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Well, as an English major, I felt it would be wrong to let this gem slip past me.

As the title implies, this book combines the lovable Jane Austin epic with those creatures I love most, flesh-eating zombies. The Bennet sisters are notable zombie slayers, who, when they're not using their martial arts skills killing the undead, are trying to find themselves husbands. Second eldest sister Elizabeth is the moodiest of the lot, and instantly finds herself butting heads with Mr. Darcy, who is also renowned for his zombie slaying prowess.

Throughout the book, Elizabeth finds her feelings change, but all the while, she vows to stay true to the Queen and save the country from the undead ghouls that roam England.

Pardon the pun, but I devoured this book as soon as it arrived. I thought this story would just butcher Austin's original work, but in fact, the zombies compliment the story, making it more fun. I recommend this book wholeheartedly, which is why I give it five out of five brains.

Total Books Read: 17 / 50 (34 percent)
Total Pages Read: 5,321 / 15,000 (35 percent)

Patient Zero by Jonathan Maberry (2009, 421 pages)

Jonathan Maberry tackles two of America's worst fears - terrorism and zombies - in his 2009 novel Patient Zero.

Joe Ledger finds himself in an unusual situation when he's forced to kill a terrorist twice in the same week. But it's because of his skills that he is recruited by a super-secret government agency to fight the newest threat to American soil: zombies.

Ledger is assigned to lead a small rapid-response unit, whose primary job is stopping the zombies from being set loose upon the public. But these are not your shuffling "Night of the Living Dead" beings. These are fast-moving zombies who keep Ledger and his men on their toes.

Ledger is an instantly likable guy who resorts to sarcasm as a defense mechanisms. He is fast on his feet and fast with a sharp tongue. One of my favorite of his quips is the following: "I'm not sure I could trust a man who would bypass an Oreo in favor of vanilla wafers. It's a fundamental character flaw, possibly a sign of true evil."

Intertwined in Ledger's story is the story of the terrorists who are preparing to unleash the weapon. The anger of fundamental extremists rips through Maberry's prose, leading readers to believe the threat could be real.

I stumbled upon this book and found it to be a delightful read. It's not a horror novel by any means. If anything, it reads like a thriller, pulling you into Ledger's story and stringing you on with mysteries that he is forced to solve. I was so entranced by the book that I had it read in three days (would have had it sooner had I not had to do things like work and sleep). I give this awesome book a thrilling five out of five zombie moans.

Total Books Read: 16 / 50 (32 percent)
Total Pages Read: 5,002 / 15,000 (33 percent)

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie (1939, 275 pages)

In Agatha Christie's 1939 novel And Then There Were None, ten people from different walks of life are brought together to the mysterious Indian Island, off the coast of Devon in England. The group appear to have been called together for different reasons, but their first night there, they learn that they were drawn together for the same reason: each played a role in another person's death. To make the situation more dire, people begin dying, one by one, following the childhood poem "Ten Little Indians." Will the group be able to determine who the murderer is, or will they all succumb to this fiendish plot?

This was the first book of Christie's that I have read, and to be honest, I'm surprised that it has taken me this long, as I love reading mysteries. The writing in this book is not complicated in any way, but she structures her plot in such a way that it's impossible not to race through this book. I had to know what was going on so much that I finished the book in about three hours. I hope that readers enjoy the twist that Christie uses in this book, as it caught me so off guard.

Agatha Christie really is the master of the mystery, and that is why I give this book five out of five red herrings.

Total Books Read: 15 / 50 (30 percent)
Total Pages Read: 4,581 / 15,000 (31 percent)

Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife by Mary Roach (2005, 311 pages)

According to author Mary Roach, "This is a book for people who would like very much to believe in a soul and in an afterlife for it to hang around in, but who have trouble accepting these things on faith. It's a giggly, random, utterly earthbound assault on our most ponderous unanswered question." In her 2005 book Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife, Roach does just that. She provides readers with a very thorough and humor-laden examination where life after death is possible.

Though she is not a scientist by trade, Roach clearly has done her homework with Spook. She examines topics such as reincarnation, spirit photography, psychics and even a court case in which a will was reexamined at the request of a ghost. Roach also provides such witticisms as imagining a combination of Sigmund Freud and Sigfried and Roy after a woman misheard a conversation. The end result will leave readers laughing out loud.

With Spook, I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but I found the book to be such an enjoyable read that I could hardly put it down. Whether you believe in life after death or not, I doubt anyone could read this book and not enjoy it. That is why I give this a very strong five out of five ghosts.

Total Books Read: 14 / 50 (28 percent)
Total Pages Read: 4,306 / 15,000 (29 percent)

I've been having a rough couple of weeks, and for once I decided on something that didn't involve watching horror movies. (That will come later tonight.) I headed off for this little cemetery I found on a walk a few weeks back. It was a gorgeous day, and I got some really nice photos.

I hope you enjoy them.

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The Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons (1986, 416 pages)

An aging league of former superheroes reunite when one of their own is brutally murdered in The Watchmen, the very successful graphic novel written by Alan Moore and drawn by Dave Gibbons.

As more heroes die, the survivors come together, their pasts and presents intertwining throughout the graphic novel. Set in an alternate 1985 as the United States is on the brink of World War III, heroism has been outlawed, forcing the heroes to hide and forget their pasts. But one, Rorshach, will not give up until he finds the truth and avenges the death of his counterparts. 

The story moved a bit slow for me, a combination of not understanding why the backstory was necessary and not being a fan of graphic novels. The real action did not seem to begin until a few chapters from the end, and even then, I just followed along more out of obligation to finish than from relating to the characters and what they were trying to achieve. It just didn't work for me, which is why I can only give it two out of five masked avengers.

Total Books Read: 13 / 50 (26 percent)
Total Pages Read: 3,995 / 15,000 (27 percent)

Woke up. Went to to work. Did some work. Left work for eye doctors. Got eye exam and two new glasses. Took birthday cake to sister's house (along with Twilight 2 and her copy of Grudge 2). Played with nieces and nephew. Helped niece when she fell off the slide and hurt herself. Dropped cell phone in toilet. Watched Heroes with sister. Came home.

Exciting, huh?

Okay, I'm sure you want to know more about one thing in there. Well, I get the glasses tomorrow. One pair is pink and black and kind of cat's eye looking. The other is black and more rectangular. Very cute.

Oh, you meant the phone, didn't you. *sigh*

After going to the bathroom (and after the toilet had completely flushed, thank the Lord), I snapping my pants and my cell phone just went plop. Now, these are not the same pants I was wearing a year ago when my phone fell out and I ran it over with my car. But they now will be treated with the same caution. I immediately rushed into my sister's living room, sopping wet phone in hand, asking her what to do. She and her husband had apparently both committed this same act, and she advised me to immediately shut off the phone, take out the battery and place both the phone and the battery over the heating vent to dry. She said to keep it there for a day.

Well, as I came home, I moved the phone to my car's defroster vents, and now my phone lies helplessly on my living room's heater vent. Cross your fingers. 

I do have cell phone insurance, but hopefully, I don't have to use it. Hopefully.

The summer of 2001, my dream came true. I saved up enough pennies from my college jobs as a resident assistant and a yearbook editor to pay for an opportunity to spend two months in London on a study abroad adventure. I would spend my mornings in class studying American writers in England, and then afternons and evenings, my roommates and I were left up to our own devices. The trip allowed me to experience many unique and fun things, and of course, it included my first (and hopefully only) flashing.

One of our assignments included us sitting in a public area within the city and watching people. I, of course, relished this assignment, because as a writer, I will often observe people to gather ideas for conversation and how people interact. So I packed up my notebook and set off for Leicester Square with my roommate.

My roommate and I split up, heading for different areas of the little park in Leicester Square. I sat on the side nearest the Virgin Megastore, leaning up against a tree for comfort. Opening my notebook, I began to write down what I observed, starting with those immediately around me.

First, I noted the hot young businessman sitting to my right (well, I am only human) reading a book. In front of me sat two guys - one Caucasian and one of Middle Eastern descent - sharing lunch with one another. On a bench to my left sat the woman who served as my waitress the night before in an Italian restaurant in Soho.

Finally, there was the guy lying on the grass about 10 feet to my left. I have no idea what he looked like, as he was curled up in the fetal position with his leather coat over his face to block out the sun (and possibly noise). He dressed very shabbily, his clothing covered in grime.

I would never have paid him much attention other than first notice had he not begun to make these weird grunting sounds while jerking about under the coat. My eyes went wide in response to Creepy Jacket Guy, and Mr. Hot Business Man appeared to have noticed. He walked a wide circle around Creepy Jacket Guy, his eyes jumping back and forth between Creepy Jacket Guy and myself. Of course, Creepy Jacket Guy must have noticed, because he soon quieted down and Mr. Hot Business Man left.

I decided to distract myself by doing what I was supposed to be doing in the first place. I began looking around the park, trying once more to watch people and their interactions.

My roommate sat on a bench about 50 yard in front of me. As she sat writing, a guy came up trying to sell her flowers. He offered her one, but she denied him. He persisted, and eventually, she got up and walked to another part of the park.

I looked about some more, and the two guys sharing lunch were joined by their girlfriends. The situation reminded me of the main characters in White Teeth, which got me lost in thinking about that book (it's a great book, and you should read it).

I was pulled out of my brief reverie as Creepy Jacket Guy once again began grunting and jerking about. I turned to look at him, and I swear to you, I wish upon all that is good and holy that I had moved away when Mr. Hot Business Man left.

Well, I've already hinted at what I saw, but even that hint can not even begin to relay the horror of what befell my eyes.

Creepy Jacket Guy straightened out his body, and as a result, he straightened out his weiner, because his pants were undone and he was not wearing undies.

Entering the retching heard worldwide, and the shriek that was so high and loud that only dogs could hear it.

Seriously, I'm surprised that I didn't break the glass in every window of every building in Leicester Square.

I got up, met up with my roommate and the two of us went running from the park.

And that, boys and girls, is the story of the time I got flashed. EW!

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The Jade Peony by Wayson Choy (1995, 299 pages)

Three siblings learn that though they were born in Canada in the late 1930s, because they are the children of Chinese immigrants, they are not equal to their peers in Wayson Choy's 1995 novel The Jade Peony.

The book tells each of the sibling's tales, starting first with little sister Jook-Liang, who encounters pressure from her grandmother to be like other Chinese children instead of wanting to be Shirley Temple. Jook-Liang makes a friend with The Monkey Man, a wise elderly man, who she secretly believes is the Monkey King.

Next comes the story of Jung-Sum, an adopted boy with a passion for boxing. His childhood is made complicated when he realizes he is gay.

Finally, the book concludes with the story of the youngest child, Sekky. Sekky is obsessed with reinacting war games, which leads him to having to take in the company of a babysitter. He must deal with his hatred of the Japanese when he finds out his Chinese babysitter is dating a local Japanese boy.

This book is wonderful yet heartbreaking. Watching each of the children grow through their tales left me wanting to know more about them and what happened after their sections ended. I also appreciate that this book opened my eyes to several things about World War II that I did not realize - such as Oregon and British Columbia being attacked by the Japanese six months prior to the Pearl Harbor bombings and the brutal invasion of China by Japan during the war. I strongly give this book five out of five jade peonies.

Total Books Read: 12 / 50 (24 percent)
Total Pages Read: 3,579 / 15,000 (24 percent)

I have a bad habit of hurting myself in my sleep.

Over the years, I've managed to wake up with a numb arm, a neck that could only turn left, a strained shoulder, hips that scream with any mere movement and loads, loads more.

Today, as I tossed and turned in bed, trying my best to ignore the power tools that wailed downstairs in the soon-to-be art gallery and the phone calls and texts that came in, I tried laying on my side briefly. I say tried, because my back acted as though I were trying to lay upon a bed of nails. Pain ravaged my entire torso.

Clearly, I could not lay that way.

But since laying on my stomach leaves me with the neck that can only turn left, and laying on my back causes snoring and leaves me waking up with a tongue that feels like sandpaper, I had to make a decision of which annoyance I'd rather deal with.

And now I have sandpaper tongue. Where's my toothbrush?

The Waterworks by E.L. Doctorow (2007, 253 pages)

Lower Manhattan in 1871 is beautifully painted by E.L. Doctorow in his 2007 novel The Waterworks. Newspaper editor McIlvaine recounts the story of how his favorite and best freelancer Martin Pemberton saw his supposedly dead father riding in a carriage through the city and the investigation that followed as Pemberton comes up missing.

McIlvaine finds himself wrapped up in this mystery as he sets out to find his freelancer and uncover the truth behind what exactly Martin saw. The story is complicated by the corruption of the Tweed Ring, which controls the city and nearly all of its important people.

Doctorow writes in beautiful, descriptive language that pulls you into the story in such a way that you, at first, do not realize how involved you are in the case. His writing, combined with the plot, drew me into the novel, and I felt compelled to keep reading just to sort out exactly what was going on. I loved this book, and I found myself falling in love with Doctorow's prose. And for that, I give this novel five out of five missing journalists.


Night of the Loving Dead by Casey Daniels (2009, 291 pages)

The author of this novel had sought me out to review this book for a magazine I freelance for. Normally, those books are self-published endeavors that leave me cringing, as the books are filled with pedestrian tales, unimagintative dialogue and more misspellings than I can bear. This, however, was a delight, because it was published by Penguin's Berkley Publishing Group and has seen the hands (and eyes) of an editor.

Pepper Martin can see and hear the dead after an accident in a cemetery, and they want her help. In the fourth book in Daniels' Pepper Martin mystery series, Martin finds herself in Chicago trying to unravel the mystery behind the disappearance of several homeless people while trying to save a friend from a certain future behind bars.

Martin's adventures lead her to enroll in a program at the clinic where the homeless people disappear. Soon, she finds herself being held captive in a hospital from hell and tortured by a ghost who is not exactly truthful.

Daniels' writing is enjoyable, and the plot takes a very interesting and well-thought out twist near the end. The beginning does feature a bit of backstory to help anyone who has not read other books in the series, which could be a bit boring to those familiar with Pepper Martin. But in all, Daniels did a great job, leading me to give her three and a half out of five cemetery ghosts.


Total Books Read: 11 / 50 (22 percent)
Total Pages Read: 3,280 / 15,000 (22 percent)

Ever feel like curling up on the living room floor for a nice little nap in between a movie marathon or series of sporting events, housecleaning jag, or even from the exertion of lifting yourself out of your favorite and aptly named Laz-Boy recliner?

Yesterday being the Lazy Sunday it was, I decided a nap was in order, following an arduous Spurs game shouting at the TV screen (yes, they won, but the start of the third quarter made me very nervous), combined with an energy zapping but oh-so-lovely scalding hot bath - the best part of any girl's weekend. So, I crawled onto the floor with my two movie-watching pillows and my hot pink, super comfy fleece throw blanket. Super awesome nap time was about to begin.

As I lay down on the floor, I remembered why I don't nap on the floor in this apartment.

See, the residence hall I live in is one giant concrete box, minus the doors, these flimsy wooden dividers that I have deemed to not be zombie proof, meaning that a zombie could burst through my doors in about two seconds.

Trust me, two seconds may seem like an eternity as you're waiting in line behind that one guy who can't decide between a full-caf and half-caf latte at the coffee shop, forcing you to scream bloody murder inside your brain, but when a zombie is busting through your front door, two seconds is not enough time to rush across your apartment, blind and in the dark, to grab your trusty zombie-bashing stick, a.k.a. color guard flag pole. I don't even want to think what would happen if I were...erm...predisposed...in the bathroom. Oh man, now I'm going to be that girl who keeps a baseball bat in her bathroom.

So, what I was trying to say is that laying on the floor is like laying on a carpeted sidewalk. Now, I like my bed on the firm side, but I am not a masochist.

If I lay on my side, I wake up with a dead arm. And of course, it takes a good day for me to resume feeling in it. By feeling I mean absolute agony.

Laying on my back is the worst of my options. The lypomas on my psiatic nerve see it as a slap in the face. What pain I normally feel from them is cranked up to eleven (if you get that reference, You. Are. Awesome!). Afterward, I can hardly sit, stand, crawl, cry, breathe, anything that requires movement.

My stomach is really the only position I can lay in while on the floor. The problem is that my neck doesn't care so much for it, and I'm stuck looking to my left for a week.

Of course, I think of none of these things as I settle down on the floor for a nap. That's my problem: not thinking things through, like the time I Naired my eyebrows or that Satan Kitty crawled up my face.

Not thinking works for me. Otherwise, it would only be Please Pass the Aspirin not Please Pass the Prozac.

Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why It Often Sucks in the City, or Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me? by Jen Lancaster (2007, 385 pages)

Okay, so yes, this book has probably the longest title ever (at least to me), and yes, it gives you a pretty good idea of what you'll find between of the pages of Jen Lancaster's second book, but it does not even begin to describe just how hilarious and awesome this book is.

I am a huge fan of humorous essays, as my blog makes clear (at least when my creativity is working, because I'm in the midst of a massive dry spell at the moment), and I have now added Jen Lancaster to my bookshelf, where she joins contemporaries such as Laurie Notaro and David Sedaris.

Bright Lights, Big Ass follows Lancaster's adventures after having written her autobiography Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, or, Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office as she awaits its publishing. Her stories run the gamut from her holy trinity of shopping and getting in shape for magazine photo shoots to arguing with a hippie over Anne Coulter and why she hates Rachel Ray. Lancaster uses a sharp, sarcastic style of writing, which is easy to embrace and will leave readers giggling to themselves. 

I cannot recommend this book enough, and Lancaster is so much fun that I immediately ran out and bought Bitter is the New Black and Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or, Why Pie is Not the Answer and cannot wait to dig into them. I also will run right out and grab her next book when it releases this May. Seriously, I love Bright Lights, Big Ass so much that I give it a hefty four and a half out of five shouts of Rachel Ray is the devil!

Total Books Read: 9 / 50 (18 percent)
Total Pages Read: 2,736 / 15,000 (18 percent)