Please Pass the Prozac (ydnimyd) wrote,
Please Pass the Prozac

New Line for the Old Resume

Today started just like any other. Well, any other when you're out of state attending a conference and running from program to program from 9 am to midnight and no nap breaks. Don't get me wrong, I love attending this conference, but I. Am. Exhausted.

Seriously, I am done.

But I digress.

So today started like any other: roll out of bed at 7:45 am, shower, get dressed and trudge off to a day full of programs. (For the record, I only say trudged due to the fact that my lypoma is killing me from sitting and standing for loooooooong periods of time.)

It was after the second educational session, as we waited to pile into Salon A to watch musicians, comedians and even a magician (the comedians were meh, but the magician was AWESOME!). I was headed that way until one of my students waved me over.

Ever experience something so horrific that left you wishing on every star in the sky that teleportation had been invented so that you could transport yourself to anywhere but where you currently are? Well, two minutes after that student called me over, I wished just that. And you would too if you found yourself standing guard over a toilet.


That is not a typo.

The student asked me to keep an eye on the toilet stall, because she had somehow dropped her phone in the toilet...and then flushed it too.


I know what you're thinking. Trust me, I asked that same question. Repeatedly.

I stood guard over that porcelain edifice as she rushed off to find someone with the skills and tools necessary to fish it out. I stood there 15 minutes.


I'm just going to say it people are nasty! I'm not talking the hand washing stuff, thankfully they did that. I'm talking the fact that, even though there were 16 unoccupied stalls, every motherloving person has to fricken use the one RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!!!


Seriously, WHY??????

And 15 minutes stood listening to people pee really emphasized Einstein's theory of relativity to me. Fifteen minutes with a hot guy flies by. Fifteen minutes babysitting a toilet takes F-O-R-E-V-E-R! For-effin-ever!!!

When the plumber showed up, I ran out the door. Then I bathed in hand sanitizer.


Go ahead. Start laughing. I know you've been wanting to.
Tags: funny, gross, minday
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